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Five Ways to Reduce Your Baby’s Separation Anxiety (Tips from The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution)

MieVee @ MummysReviews.com — Sun, 16 May 2010 07:45:05 +0000

Separation anxiety is normal – but it can be a challenging and heartbreaking stage for children, parents and caregivers. One of my favourite authors, Elizabeth Pantley, has just launched her new book:

The No-Cry Separation Anxiety Solution:
Gentle Ways to Make Good-bye Easy (from 6 months to 6 years)

She is generously sharing a short excerpt from this new book. Here it goes:

From the time that babies become aware of the world around them they begin to form important relationships with the people in their lives. They quickly learn that certain people are vital to their happiness and their survival. Babies don’t have the ability to understand how the world works, so they don’t know what makes these people appear or disappear. When their special people are out of sight they have no way of knowing if their beloved ones are gone forever, and they express their concern: usually by crying and clinging. Here are a few tips to help your baby learn to adapt to separations without the anxiety.

1. Practice with quick, daily separations

Over the course of your usual days together take opportunities to expose your baby to a few brief, safe visual separations. This process is particularly useful for the little super-glue babies who need you to be within arms reach at all times. Begin by getting your baby started with playing with an interesting toy or another person. When your little one is happily engaged, walk slowly, and go briefly into another room. Whistle, sing, hum, or talk so she knows you’re still there, even though she can’t see you. Carry out these brief separations off and on throughout the day in a variety of different situations.

2. Avoid the in-arms transfer

It’s common to hand over a baby from one caregiver to another. The problem with this is that your little on is leaving the safety and warmth of your arms and physically whisked away to another less-familiar person. This physical parting is the ultimate separation-anxiety producer. To reduce the physical anxiety-producing sensations of an arms-to-arms transfer, make the change with your baby in a neutral place, such as playing on the floor or sitting in a swing, highchair or baby seat. Have the caregiver sit next to your baby and engage your child’s attention as you say a quick, happy good-bye. As soon as you are gone is the best time for the caregiver to pick up your child. The advantage is that your baby’s caregiver will be put in the position of rescuer and can help them with their relationship.

3. Allow your baby the separation that she initiates

If your little one toddles off to another room, don’t rush after her! Listen and peek to make sure that she’s safe, of course, but let her know it is fine for her to go off exploring on her own. A child-initiated separation is a brilliant time to allow your little one to know what a happy separation feels like. This practice can help her deal with longer separations that she won’t be in control of.

4. Don’t rush the parting

Give your baby ample time to process your leave-taking. A rushed period of chaos, as you get ready to leave and then head out the door can easily set your child up for an episode of anxiety. Instead, create and use a short but pleasant good-bye ritual – certain words & actions you always use when leaving. Be relaxed and pleasant. Allow ten or fifteen minutes for a proper, peaceful send-off.

5. Embrace separation anxiety as a positive sign

It’s perfectly okay – even wonderful! – for your child to be so attached to you and for her to desire your constant companionship. Congratulations: It’s evidence that the bond you’ve worked so hard to create is holding. So politely ignore those who tell you otherwise.

When you relax your expectations of independence you can actually help your baby be more relaxed and less anxious about those times of separation.

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My Comments

Vee is a high-need baby who needs lots of physical contact, especially when he sleeps. Somehow, he would snuggle to sleep ON me during the night. In the day, he is more manageable and I have been practising tips #1 and #3 regularly since he was a newborn. Every morning right after he is awake and in his best mood, I give him some independent playtime. Throughout the day, I also ‘disappear’ for short periods and he now trusts that Mummy would be back in a while.

Tip #2 is new to me and I would certainly try it. As a Stay-At-Home-Mum, there are few opportunities to let a non-family member take care of Vee. When the time comes, this tip would be very useful.

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Read reviews of books written by Elizabeth Pantley:

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Disclosure: This post is my entry to a contest hosted by Elizabeth Pantley. The contest is giving away a complete set of six “No-Cry” books to five winners.

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Book Review: The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

MieVee @ MummysReviews.com — Sat, 16 Jan 2010 09:30:16 +0000

Many new parents are bothered by their newborn babies’ frequent night awakenings to nurse or crankiness at night. The lack of sleep adversely affects these parents, especially those who are working.

Recently, one parent asked in a forum whether it is appropriate to add baby cereal to his newborn’s milk feed to help him sleep longer at night. Another asked whether she should try the Cry-It-Out method on her baby.

It is time to share this long overdue review on The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley, which I read shortly after The No-Cry Nap Solution.

Sleeping Problems We Faced at Night

At four months old, Vee suddenly started waking up about every 1 to 2 hours at night. Previously, he woke up for night feeds at about 3.5 hours apart. We ruled out growth spurt as this lasted more than a week and suspected discomforts from teething and minor gastrointestinal reflux.
Vee started waking up to cry within 30 to 45 minutes after falling asleep at night. Previously, he would sleep for a few hours until his next feed. When I carried him upright, he felt more comfortable.
It took 1 hour or more to feed, burp and settle Vee back to sleep in his cot at night. He kept fussing and sometimes I had to try up to FIVE times to get him to sleep soundly in his cot. Before I could sleep for long, he was up for the next feed.
There were times when Vee was asleep after a night feed but I could not get back to sleep because I was stretching out my hand into the cot to rest it on his chest. Sometimes, I was so sure he would awake anytime to fuss that I unintentionally kept myself awake.

I was utterly convinced that Vee was a high-needs baby and a super-light-sleeper who woke up at the end of EVERY sleep cycle. My night-time sleep was extremely disrupted, and I felt tired and miserable. Fortunately, being a Stay-At-Home-Mum, I could take naps with Vee. (The nap problems were solved more easily.)

How The Book Saved Our Sleep

The No-Cry Sleep Solution explains why caregivers should not allow baby to ‘cry it out’ and offers a suite of gentle solutions to help baby sleep through the night. Some of the areas that I found most useful in our circumstances:

How to co-sleep in a safe manner. Safe co-sleeping allowed me to continue nursing Vee on demand, with both of us falling back to sleep easily. In short, WE FINALLY GAVE UP USING THE COT.
Ways to create a bedtime routine and condusive sleeping environment. Many sleeping aids that we tried were ideas from the book.
How to gently wean him off from bouncing or sucking to sleep. The high-needs baby still needs either kind of help to fall asleep, but there were a few occasions when I could go through the bedtime routine and pat him gently to sleep. He’s progressing, albeit at a slow rate.
Observing him during his brief awakenings at night and giving him opportunities to learn falling back to sleep by himself. If he seriously needs help, then I would carry or nurse him. Recently, on several occasions, he managed to shift his sleeping position and continued sleeping (erm… on my tummy / chest / pillow) while I pretended to sleep. Another major improvement!

Although I have implemented only some of Pantley’s ideas, Vee has been progressing. Even though he is not sleeping through the night yet (i.e. 5 hours straight), we are getting sufficient rest at night, he hardly cries at night, and he is sleeping for stretches of up to 4 hours. My new ‘problem’: there are times when I wake up in the middle of the night while he is sleeping soundly! I am absolutely pleased with the results.

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What I like about the book:

Clarifies common misconceptions about baby’s sleep and related problems
Offers a suite of gentle solutions to help baby sleep through the night
Solutions produce visible results; timing of success depends on caregivers’ consistency and baby’s adaptability

As this is the first book in the ‘No-Cry’ series, there are less ideas in some areas than the newer books. If you have an older child, you may consider reading The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and Preschoolers*.

Has your baby slept through the night? Or are you struggling through sleepless nights? Do share your experiences and tips on helping your baby sleep better.

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Get Your Own

Pantley’s books are available in most major bookstores such as MPH, Borders, Times and Popular Bookstores. They are hot among parents and often out of stock.

You may also check the price at Amazon.com here: The No-Cry Sleep Solution*

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*: affiliate link to support the growth and maintenance of Mummy’s Reviews™

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Book Review: The No-Cry Nap Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

MieVee @ MummysReviews.com — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 07:00:00 +0000

It never occurred to me that ‘sleep‘ would be a huge topic in taking care of Baby V, since my youngest sister slept like an angel when she was young. When Baby V was about 10 weeks old, he started to be extremely curious about his surroundings and resisted taking naps (at home or outdoors) and took a long time to settle to sleep at night. The worst day was only a 45-minute nap after trying to settle him from 12.30p.m. to 5p.m. By that time, even I needed a nap!

That started our journey for baby sleep solutions and I came across a new term: CIO, which stands for Crying It Out. It seemed like a quick fix solution for desperate parents who could not find any other better solution. However, I rejected the idea as there could be dire consequences for the baby’s emotional development and the parent-child relationship.

Fortunately, I came across books by Elizabeth Pantley which promise gentler ways to help babies sleep better. Since The No-Cry Sleep Solution was out of stock initially, I started to read The No-Cry Nap Solution.

I was suddenly enlightened with simple ways to help Baby V nap longer and better. Within a couple of weeks, Baby V was taking 4 cosy naps a day. At 4 months old, when his awake span (at home, we call it his ‘battery life’) stretched from 1.5 hours to 2 hours, the naps were reduced from 4 to 3, totalling 5+ hours daily, at regular timings.

This certainly resulted in a happier mummy and a happier baby.

What I like about the book:

Simple and gentle ways to help baby take long naps
Effective solutions with lasting results
Buffet of solutions to meet different babies’ needs

The long naps that Baby V started taking led to the birth of Mummy’s Reviews.
Credits go to Elizabeth Pantley!

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Get Your Own

Pantley’s books are available in most major bookstores such as MPH, Borders, Times and Popular Bookstores. They are hot among parents and often out of stock.

You may also check the price at Amazon.com here: The No-Cry Nap Solution*

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*: affiliate link to support the growth and maintenance of Mummy’s Reviews™

© 2009-2012 Veezian Pte. Ltd. | All rights reserved - This feed is provided for the convenience of Mummy's Reviews™ subscribers. If you like this post, you may share its link: Book Review: The No-Cry Nap Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. Any reproduction of the content within this feed is strictly prohibited.